Always Mine (The Always Series) Read online

  “Okay honey, I’ll meet you at the barn,” Ryan says. We decided to go a simple route and have our wedding reception in a barn. It was cheaper than renting out a huge extravagant hall, and my farmer husband couldn’t wait to add a few haystacks to our wedding. I was willing to go along with whatever he and Nancy wanted because frankly, it didn’t really matter to me.

  “Okay see you there,” I say, sneaking one more glance at Bryce. I have to stop this. I’m off the market now and even if I wasn’t, he’s completely off limits. If anyone in town knew I was attracted to Ryan’s buddy they’d force me to walk around with a scarlet letter pinned to my chest.

  Nodding quickly, I hurry down the hall to get as far away from Bryce as possible. Hopefully, after today I’ll never see him again. After the reception I can go back to my life with Ryan and forget all about Bryce. I have to, because I’m Ryan’s husband now so he’s the only man I should have eyes for.

  3

  Conor

  In all the years that Ryan and I have been together, neither of us have ever cheated on each other. That’s why these feelings are so crazy. I’ve never even looked at another man in that way before, but there’s something different about Bryce. I hate that I’m having these emotions on my wedding day and I can’t help beating myself up over it. Ryan treats me like I’m the only person on the planet and he’s always been faithful to me. His kind isn’t easy to come by and I know I’m lucky to have him. My friends always told me I hit the lottery with Ryan because he loves me unconditionally, but I still feel like something is missing.

  I scurry into the dressing room and shut the door behind me. I sink onto the floor in my tux, and bury my head in my hands. Goddamnit. I’m supposed to be deliriously happy right now, but instead I’m full of regret and guilt. Maybe other grooms have felt this way too on their wedding day, but that doesn’t help much. I can’t be the only one who’s ever questioned whether or not they made a mistake by saying I do.

  I wish I had someone I could talk to about all of this, but if anyone knew I was having doubts they’d probably think I was crazy. Ryan is the sensible choice, but love should be more than just sensible. It should be filled with passion and desire. I want the kind of love that can move mountains and shake the ground. I don’t have any of that with Ryan, and I never have.

  What have I done? My thoughts are interrupted by a soft knock at the door. Who could it be? Everyone should be heading to the barn right now as they anticipate my first dance with Ryan as newlyweds. I get up off the floor and fix my bowtie in the mirror. I can’t let anyone see me sad today, especially when Ryan can’t stop smiling from ear to ear. I turn the doorknob, hoping whoever is on the other side won’t notice that I’m not thrilled to be Mr. Solow right now. I pull the door open to see Nancy smiling with her blue eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. Her smile is contagious and even though I have my doubts about what’s just happened, I can’t help smiling back at her.

  “You look so handsome,” she says as she wraps her arms around me. The lavender scent she’s wearing calms my nerves and her warm hug soothes my anxiety.

  “Thank you for everything that you’ve done for me. All of this couldn’t have happened without you,” I say as I fully embrace her hug. She’s always been a second mother to me and at times I’ve felt closer to her than I was to my own mom. Some people can’t stand their mother-in-laws, but Nancy and I have always had a great relationship with each other.

  “It was my pleasure. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and Ryan,” she says kindly. It’s true. If I needed a kidney she would be the first to volunteer to give one of hers to me. She’s a loving woman, and as a result, Ryan is kind of a mama’s boy. I never minded how close they were, but he spent way more time with his mother than he ever did with his father. That’s probably why he’s so in touch with his feminine side.

  When Ryan was a kid, he used to help his mother out in the garden and cook dinner with her every night. His parents didn’t have a daughter, so he filled that role for Nancy. He spent a lot of time listening to his mother gossip on the phone with her friends, and even learned to crochet with her knitting club. Sometimes it’s nice to have a man that will listen to you like one of your girlfriends, but I need a man that knows how to take charge and be the head of the household. I feel like I’m the one wearing the pants in this relationship and I just wish he would learn how to take control.

  Nancy releases me from her grasp and smooths my hair. She always tells me that I’m the son she never had, seeing that Ryan is so feminine. She’s genuinely happy to call me her son-in-law, and I feel comfortable around her too. I’ve always been able to come to her about whatever was bothering me in the past, and right now I want to tell her exactly how I’m feeling. After all, Nancy’s never steered me wrong and her advice always comes from the heart.

  But there’s no way I can tell her that I think I made a mistake by marrying her son. Especially when she’s the one that planned the entire wedding. She would be absolutely heartbroken.

  “Is everything alright sweetie?” she asks with concern in her eyes. Oh no, she knows me too well and can tell that something is up. I guess I’m not doing a good job of hiding my emotions right now. I want to tell her the truth so badly, but I’m afraid to. I mutter something unintelligible and look down.

  Nancy’s worried about me, but her blue eyes are still twinkling with happiness. I can’t shatter the hopeful dreams she has for Ryan and me. She’s been waiting for our wedding day since we graduated from high school and she’s even hoping for a grandchild. You know, donor eggs, surrogacy and all that. I start to tell her everything that’s on my mind, but then I back off of the subject.

  “It’s nothing,” I lie, hoping she doesn’t detect the truth. Nancy scans me with her eyes and I can tell she doesn’t believe me. I have to come up with something quick to tell her, but something that’s not the truth. “It’s just I haven’t eaten all day because I didn’t want to feel bloated during the ceremony, so now I’m a little light headed.”

  “Oh sweetie have a seat,” she says as she walks me over to a chair. Luckily that answer was good enough for her. “Let’s get you out of this tux so you can eat a good hearty meal. Frank’s got the barbeque going already so the food should be just about ready by the time we get there.” She takes a blue suit out of a garment bag and hands it to me. It’s the only thing I picked out myself. “Here I’ll help you so that you can change.”

  She helps me take off the tux jacket, and I slip into the new suit. I actually feel relieved to be out of my wedding attire because frankly, I was starting to feel trapped wearing it. Some newlyweds never want to take their wedding clothes off, but I felt like I couldn’t breathe inside of mine. Not because they were too tight, but because they made me feel confined to Ryan. Hopefully I’ll feel different about spending the rest of my life with him after our honeymoon. Making love in a foreign country could help spice things up in our marriage. Hopefully.

  “How do I look?” I ask.

  “Perfect,” she says without hesitation. “Now, let’s get you to the barn so you can eat.”

  The hardest part of the day is already over. I told Ryan that I would be his husband as long as we both shall live in a church filled with our closest friends and family. I have to keep that promise, even if I’m not sure if that’s what I really want. I can’t turn back now.

  I take one last look in the mirror. I stare at myself and try to let it sink in that I’m Mr. Solow now. Hopefully Ryan’s handsome friend from high school won’t stay at the reception too long because sneaking glances at him from across the barn is going to be sheer torture. Plus, if his icy blue eyes look into mine again, I think my heart will beat out of my chest. God. I’ll have to make sure I stay as far away from him as possible. Why did he have to show up just as I was walking down the aisle? He makes accepting the fact that I’m married ten times harder.

  Men like Bryce don’t exist in Smithtown. If they did, chances are Ryan and I wouldn’t be together today. Most of the guys here in our rural town are farmers with no real sense of the world outside of our community, like my husband. Bryce might have grown up here, but he’s definitely a sophisticated city man now. He’s got a body like the guys on my favorite romance novel covers, and a perfectly chiseled jawline. He’s by far the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.

  But none of that matters because Nancy and I are on our way to my wedding reception, where my husband is waiting for me. I have to shake these thoughts of Bryce out of my mind. The stranger makes my heart beat faster than anyone else ever has and I would love a night alone with him, but that will never happen. I married Ryan, and unfortunately, it’s until death do us part.

  4

  Bryce

  I inhale deeply of the country air, allowing its freshness to fill my lungs. It’s been a long time since I’ve been anywhere near a farm. I’ve gotten used to being surrounded by skyscrapers, and my small hometown is quite the opposite of New York City.

  Back in the Big Apple, everyone is always in a rush, but down here the people take their sweet time and no one seems to mind. Smithtown is a close knit community and its residents are some of the greatest people you’ll ever meet. At heart, I’m a country boy and at times I start to feel lonely in the big city.

  I left here right after I graduated and moved to Manhattan to go to college. All my life I rode horses and suddenly I had to learn how to ride a subway. City life took some getting used to, but I’ve never backed down from a challenge. After graduating college, I decided to stay in New York City because it had become my home. I started a multi-million dollar brokerage firm trading currency and never looked back at Smithtown.

  But now that I’m here I realize how much I miss this place. Seeing my old buddies reminds
me of the days we would joy ride around Mr. Greene’s corn field in an old beat up tractor. We were immature kids back then, but those were some of the best days of my life.

  “Moonshine?” a friendly waitress says, carrying a tray of mini mason jars filled with the one hundred proof liquor.

  “Thank you ma’am,” I say as I take one of the jars. I haven’t had moonshine in years. As a matter of fact, the last time I drank it was back when I wasn’t even old enough to drink. I take a sip of the powerful beverage and it burns on the way down. “Now that’s good moonshine.”

  “The very best,” she giggles. “Conor’s dad made it.” My heart races at the mention of the handsome man with the straight nose and square jaw. He’s gorgeous, but now he’s also very married. To my best friend, in fact.

  “I’ll be sure to give him my compliments,” I say. She nods, then makes her way around, passing out the mini moonshine mason jars. I scan the barn in search of Conor, but he hasn’t arrived yet. Thank god. I know it’s wrong to be attracted to Ryan’s husband, but I can’t help it because he’s so fucking gorgeous.

  Shit, what is wrong with me? I shouldn’t be thinking like this, and yet I can’t control where my thoughts roam. Even worse, I swear I felt sparks between us when we met. I couldn’t stop staring into those brown eyes and his generous smile made my heart beat madly. I forgot for a second that he was Ryan’s new husband.

  Conor looks like the type that knows how to take care of a man. He’s probably able to do all the domestic things, like clean a house and make a satisfying dinner. The men I’ve dated in Manhattan order out when they invite me over for a meal, and they hire maids to keep their apartments clean. They weren’t husband material and that’s why I never married any of them.

  I take another sip of moonshine and make my way around the barn, saying hi to familiar faces. No one seems to remember me and I don’t blame them. I look a lot different than I did back in high school and no one here has seen me in ten years.

  “Hey, it’s me Bryce. Bryce Black,” I say to a few guys I played football with back in high school. Suddenly, they recognize me and bombard me with stories from our younger years. It’s great running into my old buddies, but the only person I really want to see is Conor. Where could he be? I don’t remember him from high school at all, but then again, I don’t remember a lot from high school.

  This is nuts. I can’t lust after Ryan’s husband. He’s my friend and they just got married an hour ago. What the hell is wrong with me? I take another sip of the moonshine, hoping it will help me forget about Conor. Instead it does the opposite and now I can’t stop fantasizing about him.

  Fuck my life. I came here today to celebrate a marriage, but after seeing Conor in that dark tux, I wish it were me he was walking down the aisle toward. That’s a horrible thing to think about your buddy’s husband, but I can’t help it. Conor was absolutely magnetic and charming. I would love to find out how his plush lips feel against mine.

  I shake the thought of kissing him out of my mind because I know it will never happen. It can’t. I’m not the type of guy to try and steal someone else’s man away. It’s not my style. I know I can’t have him, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting him desperately.

  I look around the reception. Neither groom has arrived yet, which is strange since Ryan left the church at the same time I did. The moonshine seems to be keeping everyone from getting restless. I take another sip myself, enjoying the bitter swill. Manhattan bars are filled with fruity cocktails that people only buy because of their gimmicky names. By contrast, moonshine is a real man’s drink. The kind that puts hair on your chest.

  I sit on a bale of hay and the smell reminds me of when my friends and I use to jump in piles of hay. When you’re from a small rural town you have to make your own fun. The barnyard reception makes me reminisce on my childhood and even though I moved to the big city, my heart will always belong to Smithtown.

  A few women from across the barn smile as they make eyes at me. They’re beautiful, but I shrug. They’re probably looking for a man to take home tonight because weddings have that effect on people, but it’s not my game. I don’t swing that way.

  I get up to make my way to the bar again, but before I’ve even taken a step, he walks in. The wind blows during his entrance, and it’s like a god making an appearance. Damn, Conor looks amazing. I pick my jaw up off of the ground and try my best to not make it so obvious that I’m completely mesmerized. He’s wearing a blue suit, and it’s cut perfectly to that athletic physique. My eyes trail hungrily over his muscular frame.

  I watch from a distance as Conor smiles, greeting his guests. He’s absolutely flawless, and he shakes everyone’s hand with a smile and a genuinely happy look. What am I doing? I can’t gape at my pal’s husband like this because he’s completely off limits. I know this, but I still can’t take my eyes off him.

  I finally break free from my trance, and try to find something else to focus my attention on. Anything will do at this point. I stare out of the barn at the fresh farmland surrounding it. The serene sunset hanging over the Kentucky cropland reminds me of the evenings I would lay out in the grass and stare up at the sky, waiting for the moon and stars to come out. Trying to find a star in the New York sky is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. The bright lights make it impossible to see anything constellation-wise.

  “Excuse me,” a soft voice says from behind me. I turn around and glance down at the petite blonde woman vying for my attention. I hadn’t even noticed she’d made her way across the barn.

  “Hi, my name is Alina. I’m a friend of Conor’s. We work together at the preschool.” I can tell she’s had more than one mason jar of moonshine already by the way she’s slurring her words.

  “Nice to meet you Alina,” I say politely. “I’m Bryce. I’m a friend of Ryan’s.” She blushes as I shake her hand. The thin short blonde doesn’t interest me, but I’ve always been a gentleman. I probably should tell her I’m gay, but it seems cruel. It’s not her fault that I don’t swing that way.

  “I’ve never seen you around here before. How do you know Ryan?” she probes. I’m sure she doesn’t really care. All she wants to know is what hotel I’m staying at so she can meet me there later on.

  “We’re buddies from high school. I moved to New York after I graduated and I haven’t really been back here since.”

  “New York!” Her eyes light up. “You’re a big time city boy now,” she says as she playfully slaps my shoulder. Her tiny frame seems to be unable to hold all of the liquor she’s chugging.

  “Why don’t you have a seat,” I say as I walk her over to a hay bale. She stumbles every step of the way, nearly falling flat on her face.

  “You have such big strong hands,” she slurs. She plops down onto the hay bale, spilling her moonshine on her dress. She laughs hysterically as if she just heard a funny joke. Man, what a drunken mess. She grabs my arm and pulls me closer to her. “How about we get to know each other a little better,” she whispers as she twirls my tie around her finger. The stench of moonshine seeps from between her lips, making my stomach turn. The scent is so strong I could get drunk off her breath alone.

  “How about I get you some water?” I say, still trying to be a gentleman.

  “Why, thank you,” she giggles. Her skin is flushed and she can barely sit up straight. I leave her there on the hay bale as I fetch her a bottle of water. Great, now I’m stuck babysitting a grown woman when all I really want to do is be near Conor.

  I grab a bottle of water off the refreshment table and head back over to Alina, but by the time I get back over there she’s gone. I scour the barn, searching for the intoxicated woman. She’s nowhere to be found. Oh shit. I wasn’t interested in her, but I did want to make sure she was okay. Maybe one of her friends realized how drunk she was and took her home.

  I look around the barn one more time in search of Alina, but instead my eyes lock with big, brown eyes. I stare into Conor’s gaze and a knot in my stomach builds. Sparks fly between us, creating static in the air. The look in his eyes lets me know that he feels it too. I want to seize him in my arms and kiss him passionately until he’s weak in the knees, but I can’t. All I can do is marvel at his astonishing physique from a distance. Soon he’ll be slow dancing with his husband in the center of the barn, and I’ll be standing off to the side wish that I was the one holding him in my arms. Wishing that I was the lucky man that got to marry him. I’ve never been the type of guy that believed in love at first sight, but man, I sure do now. I came back home for a wedding, but instead I found the man of my dreams. Too bad Conor’s already taken by my best friend.