Always Mine (The Always Series) Read online

  Always Mine

  J.P. James

  Always Mine

  © 2019

  J.P. James

  Created with Vellum

  Contents

  For my readers:

  Blurb

  1. Conor

  2. Conor

  3. Conor

  4. Bryce

  5. Conor

  6. Conor

  7. Bryce

  8. Conor

  9. Bryce

  10. Conor

  11. Conor

  12. Bryce

  13. Conor

  14. Bryce

  15. Conor

  16. Bryce

  17. Conor

  18. Bryce

  19. Bryce

  20. Conor

  21. Conor

  22. Bryce

  Epilogue

  The End

  For my readers:

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  Enjoy!

  JP

  Blurb

  I fell in love with my husband’s best friend.

  Conor:

  After Ryan passed in a freak car accident, I was devastated. We just got married, and it was hard to believe I was a widower so soon after the ceremony.

  But then I met Bryce.

  Ryan’s best friend from childhood.

  Bryce was tall, commanding, and utterly charismatic.

  He comforted me with his strong arms and sweet kisses.

  But it’s wrong because my husband just passed away.

  What will people say?

  Bryce:

  Conor’s everything I’ve ever wanted. Tall and handsome, with a sweet smile and genuine heart.

  He’s a small town boy with solid values.

  The problem is that we found each other the day after his husband died.

  It happened fast, but love is what it is.

  Now, Conor’s afraid of what people will say in this tiny hamlet.

  Will they brand him a slut?

  A manwhore?

  An opportunist?

  Yes, he’s a widower … but it’s my job to make him see that love has no timeline.

  Note from JP: Let yourself revel in a steamy love story between two gorgeous men. One finds salvation in the arms of the other while heating up pages and establishing a true connection. HEA guaranteed.

  1

  Conor

  The tux fits my frame perfectly, highlighting my broad shoulders and wide chest. The dark color is subtle yet elegant, and I feel the outfit carrying me away into a new journey. Unfortunately, it’s one I’m not sure I’m quite prepared for. I always pictured my wedding day as being the happiest moment of my life, but now that the day is here, my feet are colder than a snowy winter’s evening.

  Don’t get me wrong. I love Ryan and as far as I can remember I always have. We’ve been together since we were thirteen years old, and it wasn’t easy coming out in little Smithtown, Kentucky. People here weren’t so happy at first when they saw two gay boys holding hands, but gradually, they accepted us. After all, this is our town, and our neighbors have known us since birth. They wanted us to be happy, and pretty soon, us being a couple wasn’t a big deal anymore.

  Besides, I love Ryan. He’s the only man I’ve ever been intimate with, and I feel lucky to have him. Plus, he’s always been a part of me. He’s my entire world, and in fact, all of the residents that live in our county are waiting for me to walk down the aisle right now. They all pretty much expected Ryan and I to get married once gay marriage was legalized, and I guess part of me expected that too. But now I’m not sure if this is what I really want.

  Ryan’s a wonderful guy and takes real good care of me, but I’m not sure if what I feel for him is burning passionate desire, or just comfort. I feel guilty having these thoughts as our guests wait to see us promise to love one another through sickness and health. I probably should have said no when he proposed a few months ago, but how could I? It only makes sense that I would marry him seeing how we’ve been together practically our whole lives.

  Unfortunately, my relationship with Ryan lacks heat, and sex with him leaves something to be desired. When he touches me at night his clammy palms sometimes make me wince a bit. Most people dream of their wedding night, but right now I lack any sort of enthusiasm to jump into bed with Ryan.

  I start to feel sick as questions flood my mind and doubt sits in the pit of my stomach. Is this what I really want? I truly do love my soon-to-be husband. I’m just not sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I’ve gone back and forth with myself about this for months, mulling it over again and again. But now that the day is finally here, I’m regretting the night he dropped down on one knee.

  I stare into the mirror with the gray oak frame, trying to make sense of it all. My brown hair is slicked into place, and my jaw is clean shaven. The tux accentuates every hard line on my athletic body, showing off the hours of work I’ve put in at the gym. Ryan’s heart will probably stop when he sees me, and yet I’m drowning in doubt right now. But I have to do it. I have to exchange I do’s with my sandy haired groom. He’s waiting for me to make it to the end of that aisle. I can’t back out now because it would break his heart.

  A soft knock sounds on the other side of the door, and I take a deep breath. It’s time. I really have to do this, whether I want to or not. I adjust my bowtie in the mirror and take one last look at the unmarried man staring back at me. I swallow heavily, knowing that in a few minutes I’ll become Mr. Ryan Solow. Slowly, I open the door, revealing an usher waiting on the other side for me.

  “They’re ready for you Mr. Martin,” the short, stout man says. “Or should I say Mr. Solow?”

  I know he didn’t mean to, but he makes me cringe by calling me that. He guides me through the church hallway as panic sinks in and my breathing becomes shallow. The man swings the heavy double doors open, cueing the organist to play the tune that usually makes brides burst into tears. My father waits for me at the entrance, smiling wider than I’ve ever seen. Our guests respectfully stand as my dad grabs hold of my arm, ready to begin the walk down the aisle.

  My heart is beating a mile a minute, but everything else around me has slowed down. Thank god for my ability to keep a smile on my face no matter what. If our family members and friends could sense my thoughts, their grins would instantly fade away. I want to turn back and bolt in the opposite direction of my groom, but it’s not the right thing to do. Ryan anxiously waits for me at the altar and I can see his nervous smile. I wish I felt more joyous, but the truth is part of me feels like I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.

  I wish I were more into this. My fiance’s tuxedo drapes off his thin frame, reminding me of a scarecrow. All of our friends are smiling, and in fact the only person in this church right now that isn’t filled with glee is me. I have to pull it together and get rid of these negative thoughts. Ryan is good man, and even though he isn’t exactly what I want in a partner, he’s good enough and will make a fine husband. I take another deep breath, hoping it will settle my nerves. I’m only a few steps away from becoming a husband. Ryan’s husband, to be specific.

  I look around at all the familiar faces, hoping one of them will stand and object to our union, but I know that won’t happen. I’ve known everyone here since I was a little boy, and they all want to see Ryan and I live happily ever after. It’s not that I think I won’t be happy with him. I just feel like there’s something more out there. Something I’ve been waiting for my whole life.

  Ryan is staring right at me with pale blue eyes. I can’t even hear the organ anymore. The only sound in my ears right now is my thumping heart. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. If only this was just a dream. But it’s not, this is my wedding day. I glance over at my mother seated in the front row. Surely she’ll sense my anxiety, but she doesn’t. She just stands there as joyful tears run down her cheeks.

  Desperately, I glance over at Ryan’s side. His mother Nancy beams while patting tears off her face with a handkerchief. She can’t tell that I’m conflicted, even though we’ve known each other ages. In fact, not even my fiancé can tell that I’m conflicted. He’s never noticed that every time he brought up the wedding I would quickly change the subject, leaving most of the planning to Nancy. My mother in law even picked out this tux for me, as well as organizing the flower arrangements, the seating chart, and the music. I’ve never been interested in the ceremony. Truthfully, I only said yes because Ryan proposed in front of all of Smithtown. I didn’t want to embarrass him and break his heart all at once.

  Nancy’s warm smile slows down my rapid heartbeat, but it still isn’t enough to convince me that Ryan is the man I should marry. But then someone taps her shoulder, and my heart starts racing when my eyes lock with the blue-eyed stranger standing next to my soon-to-be mother in law. Oh gosh, he’s probably the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. But who is he? I don’t recognize him. He can’t be one of Ryan’s cousins because I’ve met all of them. I know his entire family, not to mention most of his friends. So who can this mystery man be?

  The stranger looks at me and in that moment, it feels like we’re the only two people in the room. Everyone else disappears, and it’s just me and him standing in a hazy cloud. I imagine that he’s the one that I’m walking towards. I know it’s wrong, but he looks like the man of my dreams with his broad shoulders and head full of jet black hair. His pearly white smile sends butterflies fluttering through my stomach. His tuxedo
hugs his body, showing off his godlike physique, and my mouth waters. But then the dream ends, and before I know it, I’m standing in front of Ryan.

  “You look handsome,” he whispers to me. I swallow hard as I snap back into reality. “I love you,” he adds softly. The butterflies have completely vanished from my stomach and instead a huge knot has replaced them. My groom’s eyes are so genuine and sincere, and I feel terrible.

  “I love you too.” My voice trembles. If he knew the thoughts I was just having about the mystery man standing next to his mother, he’d probably call this whole thing off. I know I should be focused on Ryan, but I can’t help sneaking a peek back at our handsome wedding guest. Oh god, what am I doing?

  Ryan grabs my hands and my body shivers from his cold, clammy touch. How can I marry a man that makes my skin crawl? At this point I don’t have a choice because everyone is watching, including the blue eyed hunk. He’s the complete opposite of Ryan. Whereas my groom is thin as a rail, the stranger’s muscles are bulging through his suit jacket and I can’t help fantasizing about having his big strong arms wrapped around me. A man that size would know how to cradle me just right, unlike my frail groom. A touch from him would probably make my body erupt in a way that Ryan never has. Oh no, I can feel myself hardening just from these thoughts. God, I’m such a bad person, and my chin dips a bit in shame.

  The minister begins to drone and automatically, I tune him out. I’m here at the ceremony, but I’m also not here. It’s like I’m watching the ceremony from a distance, and it’s not really me at the altar. The minutes fly by, and soon, the minister is ready to pronounce Ryan and I a married couple. Yet, I can’t stop fantasizing about the stranger I just saw. I have to snap out of it. This is real life, for crying out loud, not some romance novel.

  “Do you, Ryan, take Conor to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Minister Brown asks.

  “I do,” Ryan replies without hesitation. My groom truly loves me and can’t wait for me to become his husband. I shouldn’t be thinking about another man right now. Ryan may not be the hero of my dreams, but I know he really will love me in sickness and in health. He isn’t manly, but he’s still a provider and I know he’ll be an amazing father one day.

  “And do you, Conor, take Ryan to be your lawfully wedded husband?” All eyes are on me as the crowd anticipates my answer. I glance over at the handsome stranger, and his face is neutral. I can’t get a word out and I stand there silent as a mouse as everyone stares at me. Worry sweeps across Ryan’s face and I think for the first time ever, he can see the uncertainty in my eyes. My heart pounds and I become lightheaded. The room starts spinning again and I feel like Alice in Wonderland when she fell down that damn rabbit hole.

  “Conor,” Ryan murmurs softly, bringing me back into the real world. His glistening eyes are just about ready to shed tears. I can’t break his heart. I love him too much, even if it isn’t the love I’ve always dreamed of. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I have to go through with this.

  “I do,” I say, barely getting the words out. The worry leaves his face and I can feel the joy radiating from his body.

  “Then by the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss your groom,” Minister Brown says gleefully. Ryan places his sweaty palms on my shoulders as he pulls me in close. His smooch lacks any spark, and this feels like one of the least romantic moments of my life. But our guests can’t tell, and they cheer wildly. Honestly I just want to back as far away from my husband as possible.

  As we kiss, I close my eyes and pretend it’s the dark stranger that I’m kissing, and suddenly Ryan’s lips aren’t the plain boring ones I’ve pecked a million times. I swoon in his arms as I imagine being held by this other man. I know it’s traitorous to think about another guy while you’re in the arms of your new husband, but the stranger is making my heart pound and my dick throb. I may be a married man now, but unfortunately, everything right feels wrong.

  2

  Conor

  Ryan gazes into my eyes as he holds me in his arms. “You’re the most gorgeous man in the world,” he says softly. “I’m so lucky you’re my husband.” I smile as he kisses my forehead, but on the inside I still feel a bit unsettled. I try my best to push the feeling of regret deep down inside of me. After all, it is my wedding day so I should be enjoying it, and not feeling sorry for myself.

  “I love you too,” I manage half-heartedly.

  “Congratulations buddy,” a deep baritone voice says from behind Ryan. Oh my god, it’s the irresistibly hot guy that was standing next to Nancy. My heart races as I gaze at his incredible physique up close. His dreamy crystal blue eyes pull me in like a tide in the sea. I know I shouldn’t be gawking right now, but it feels almost impossible to break my stare.

  “Thanks Bryce,” Ryan says as they hug. Who is Bryce? The name sounds so familiar, but I think I would remember meeting a man this gorgeous. Bryce’s arms swallow up Ryan’s thin frame, and Ryan can barely get his limbs around the burly man. “This is my husband Conor. He’s a keeper, isn’t he?” Ryan steps aside, leaving a clear path between Bryce and me.

  “Yes, definitely,” Bryce says in a neutral tone. He looks deeply into my eyes and for a second I forget that Ryan is standing right next to us. Sparks fly between us and suddenly I feel the passion I’ve always craved. I want to jump in his arms and kiss his perfectly-sculpted lips, but I can’t. I’m married to another man.

  “Thank you,” I say as I blush, feeling a little hot and bothered. “How do you two know each other?”

  “This is my buddy Bryce from high school,” Ryan says as he swings his limp arm around Bryce’s broad shoulder. He’s so small in comparison to the huge man. “He was a few grades ahead of us, so you probably don’t know him.”

  Ryan’s right. I have no clue who this man is because I wasn’t friends with many people back in high school, much less someone who was a couple grades ahead. I mostly kept to myself. When I was younger I was extremely shy because I used to be scrawny. Ryan was the only guy that made me feel seen, so I guess that’s why I gravitated toward him. He always made me feel normal, and told me my body was perfect. I was so grateful for Ryan that I didn’t pay any of the other boys in school any attention. Including Bryce.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” Bryce says, extending his hand for me to shake.

  “It’s nice to meet you too,” I say as I grab hold of his hand. Electricity pulsates through me from his touch and I’m relieved that his large hands aren’t damp like my husband’s usually are. The scent of his cologne makes me heady, and I swallow with a gulp. Hopefully neither he nor my husband can sense how aroused I am right now. He shakes my hand casually, but my knees go weak. Bryce is so suave and sophisticated, it’s hard to believe he’s from our small rural town.

  “Ryan is lucky to have you,” he says, releasing our grip. I wish he would’ve held it a little longer because his touch made me feel tingly inside. I feel giddy, like a teenage girl who was just asked to the prom by her crush.

  “Thank you,” I say. Ryan doesn’t seem to notice how attracted I am to his high school friend. I feel like I’m being pulled toward him like a magnet. I can’t let my husband see me making eyes at Bryce because we just said “I do” to each other less than an hour ago. I have to get as far away from Bryce as possible, or else I don’t know what’s going to happen.

  “I think I should go change out of my tux,” I say abruptly.